As Carrie Bradshaw once said, break ups are like experiencing a death. Now you guys know I love a bit of Carrie, but… really? A death?
There’s something a lot of us can agree on though. After a break up, no matter whose decision it was, you become a changed person. Here are my favourite pieces of advice I give to others going through a break up (tried and tested!).
Refresh & Revitalise
Been sat on the sofa with your love for the past two years, gaining weight at the pace expected when ordering ‘Domino’s once or twice a week’? Or perhaps you’ve lost a few friends along the way having not had time to nature your other relationships? It happens. It dents confidence when it ends. The good news is though breakups mean more time for you, more time for getting those friendships back on track (and not letting them go again). Say goodbye to the sofa, go out and mingle, get some exercise and enjoy life!
Look for the extraordinary in the ordinary…
When you look for things in life beyond what you’re used to, your confidence grows. You welcome new types of human beings in, you evolve as a person. When you stop thinking about limits, you stop putting the focus on self confidence and it becomes something you just ‘have’.
Surrender to the fact that life isn’t fair…
Treat everything as a lesson and you grow stronger from it. Sometimes things don’t work out and hey that’s ok. Better to be single than with the wrong person (and equally, someone who isn’t 100% in to you). Don’t sit and fester in your own self sabotage, stop blaming yourself. Accept that others make decisions that aren’t solely based on your personality, looks or sense of humour. Sometimes things just don’t work for some people.
Look For The Good
Thinking about the happy times is great but don’t let it consume you. Often during breakups people tend to look for the happy memories and somehow totally forget that anything bad ever took place. Nothing is perfect. Accept the good times, wish the other person well and look to the future.
I once read that it takes 2 years to get over an affair, 6 months to get over a long term relationship but sometimes forever if you were the one who got hurt. No one says that you have to forget a relationship but learning how to file it and put it to one side in your mind is key to moving on. Processing the grief of a failed relationship is important, give yourself the time. Then go write 10 things you love about yourself and 10 things you have to offer the right person.
Your friends, your family, your pet… Get yourself a support network because they’re the ones who are always there for you! Buying yourself that new outfit doesn’t hurt either (firm believer in retail therapy over here!).