WHETHER YOU ADMIT IT OR NOT, MARRIAGE CHANGES YOU
I’m going to let you in on a little secret. I am not easy to be with. Gosh! Hope you haven’t fallen over and aren’t choking on your snack ’cause I know, it’s a shocker right? Ha! All through my 20’s I bobbed along (bobbing along, on the bottom of the beautiful briny sea… omg remember that song?) without really a care for anything. Or anyone else for that matter. Well aside from some long suffering housemates who had the pleasure of seeing me hung over a lot…
I got married at 30. We’d been engaged for over two years but having fallen pregnant we thought we’d tie the knot when I was 6 months. Happy days. We married under a charming Chuppah in my in-laws gorgeous back garden to the sound of birds and 36 lovely guests. What followed has changed my life more than I ever thought possible.
You invest more than you will ever invest in anything else.
I never used to think marriage was a big deal. You hear of so many divorces that society had (had being the operative word) kind of turned me in to thinking that marriage is just what you do when you’ve been together a long time? That it sort of just, tied you down properly. But I’ve learned that you come to invest e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g. Your time, effort, love, tears… The disagreements, opinions, compromises… Not forgetting the laughs, experiences and growth as individuals. Marriage is more than just firming your relationship.
Hello weaknesses, who are you?
Before marriage I was always right. In relationships I always had the upper hand and was always the more dominant. When I got married, I wasn’t prepared to come face to face with all of my weaknesses quicker than a baby seal can slide off ice. I (and lots of others that I know) struggled initially with humility. Admitting that okay, I’m not perfect, that I will need to be forgiven (and be able to forgive quickly) was a big lesson and one of the best.
Realising that I could not hold on to an air of superiority meant that it’s near impossible to hold on to resentment. All that resentment does is stops relationships from moving forward. I’m definitely more humble these days and have become a much better person for it.
Marriage is pretty permanent and as our relationship has become deeper, so has our support for one another. We are both working at the same life, the same family, we both want what’s best for one another because in turn, it gives us happiness individually. Before marriage I was hands down, one of the most selfish people I know (in a do-things-for myself kind of way). I’d get frustrated if things didn’t go my way at work but since being married, I have someone who sees all of my skills and encourages me to head in the right direction.
I am not married to the same person that I met. Neither am I the same person that I was when I got married. As people grow, we change and as we change, others around us adapt. Having a family together and raising a beautiful daughter means that we get to see the absolute best in each other (and the most irritable sides of each other). Being naive, when I married I presumed we would never change, that we’d always be drinking pals or want to just bum around in a nice car. These days it’s very rare that Dan will touch alcohol and I’ve become much more patient but best of all, we’ve both become great parents.
You make the rule book.
If we put our marriage under a microscope it’d be pretty obvious that we are not like other married couples. Then, no two marriages are really ever the same. I’ve learned that a good marriage is one that follows their own ‘normal’. Our routine suits us, we are always work in progress. We don’t pressure ourselves to share hobbies and we have our alone time in the evenings when needed (particularly useful for binge watching Real Housewives…)!
Sure we each have heated moments where we need to physically remove ourselves from situations. We’re only humans living in one of the busiest and most stressful cities in the world. But when all is said and done, we’re bonded forever (wait, is that a song?).